Saturday, January 30, 2010

"A Cowboy Named Bud"

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote 
mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new 
BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. 
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, 
Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked 
the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you 
have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" 
Bud looks at the man then looks at his peacefully grazing 
herd and says, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, 
whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular 
RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, 
where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his 
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans 
the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. 
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop 
and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . 
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that 
the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses 
an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet 
with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. 
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his 
hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy 
and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.." 
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. 
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks 
on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. 
Then Bud says to the young man, 
"Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" 
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" 
"You're a liberal democrat Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. 
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" 
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here 
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer 
I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of 
dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter 
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working 
people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. 
This is a herd of sheep. ...... 
Now give me back my Dog.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

"I Am An American"


Words to live up to: "I am an American." A non-hyphenated product of legal immigrants who willingly uprooted from their homelands to start anew in a search of a better life for not just themselves, but, most especially, for their posterity. Did they decide to stay in or move to Europe? Hell no! They looked around and decided that America's promise of freedom to succeed or fail, based on your own efforts and abilities, offered a far greater opportunity for success for they and their families than the ingrained cast system of their homelands, wherein one is not supposed (nor, in many cases, allowed) to "Rise Above One's Station" ever encouraged or offered. We have, until recently resisted the "womb to the tomb" mentality that permeates so much of Europa over the last half century or so, let alone the rest of the world's numerous and various despotisms. They, our ancestors, also wished most fervently to escape the tyranny, soft or harsh, of their oppressive, anti-individualistic governments. If you're so inclined to remain where you are, supinely depending on manna from "Big Brother", that is your God given right. It is your right to choose giving up those unalienable rights He gave you. (It's called: "Free Will".) It is also your right to allow nameless, faceless others to choose for you what you may earn, where you may live, what products you may buy, how many and when and where you may do so. Where you may go to school, live and work. How and when you will get to and fro on your daily rounds, as well as; How much "Charity" you will fund with the sweat of your brow, and to whom it will be given in your government's name. I, however, am an American - and I choose otherwise.

Monday, January 18, 2010

"Eulogy to the Great Liberator"

Margaret Thatcher's Eulogy to Ronald Reagan -- Eulogy to the Great Liberator, National Cathedral, Washington, D.C., June 11, 2004 -- "We have lost a great president, a great American, and a great man. And I have lost a dear friend. In his lifetime Ronald Reagan was such a cheerful and invigorating presence that it was easy to forget what daunting historic tasks he set himself. He sought to mend America's wounded spirit, to restore the strength of the free world, and to free the slaves of communism . These were causes hard to accomplish and heavy with risk. Yet they were pursued with almost a lightness of spirit. For Ronald Reagan also embodied another great cause - what Arnold Bennett once called `the great cause of cheering us all up'. His politics had a freshness and optimism that won converts from every class and every nation - and ultimately from the very heart of the evil empire. Yet his humour often had a purpose beyond humour. In the terrible hours after the attempt on his life, his easy jokes gave reassurance to an anxious world. They were evidence that in the aftermath of terror and in the midst of hysteria, one great heart at least remained sane and jocular. They were truly grace under pressure. And perhaps they signified grace of a deeper kind. Ronnie himself certainly believed that he had been given back his life for a purpose. As he told a priest after his recovery `Whatever time I've got left now belongs to the Big Fella Upstairs'. And surely it is hard to deny that Ronald Reagan's life was providential, when we look at what he achieved in the eight years that followed. Others prophesied the decline of the West; he inspired America and its allies with renewed faith in their mission of freedom. Others saw only limits to growth; he transformed a stagnant economy into an engine of opportunity. Others hoped, at best, for an uneasy cohabitation with the Soviet Union; he won the Cold War - not only without firing a shot, but also by inviting enemies out of their fortress and turning them into friends. I cannot imagine how any diplomat, or any dramatist, could improve on his words to Mikhail Gorbachev at the Geneva summit: `Let me tell you why it is we distrust you.' Those words are candid and tough and they cannot have been easy to hear. But they are also a clear invitation to a new beginning and a new relationship that would be rooted in trust. We live today in the world that Ronald Reagan began to reshape with those words. It is a very different world with different challenges and new dangers. All in all, however, it is one of greater freedom and prosperity, one more hopeful than the world he inherited on becoming president. As Prime Minister, I worked closely with Ronald Reagan for eight of the most important years of all our lives. We talked regularly both before and after his presidency. And I have had time and cause to reflect on what made him a great president. Ronald Reagan knew his own mind. He had firm principles - and, I believe, right ones. He expounded them clearly, he acted upon them decisively. When the world threw problems at the White House, he was not baffled, or disorientated, or overwhelmed. He knew almost instinctively what to do. When his aides were preparing option papers for his decision, they were able to cut out entire rafts of proposals that they knew `the Old Man' would never wear. When his allies came under Soviet or domestic pressure, they could look confidently to Washington for firm leadership. And when his enemies tested American resolve, they soon discovered that his resolve was firm and unyielding. Yet his ideas, though clear, were never simplistic. He saw the many sides of truth. Yes, he warned that the Soviet Union had an insatiable drive for military power and territorial expansion; but he also sensed it was being eaten away by systemic failures impossible to reform. Yes, he did not shrink from denouncing Moscow's `evil empire'. But he realised that a man of goodwill might nonetheless emerge from within its dark corridors.
 So the President resisted Soviet expansion and pressed down on Soviet weakness at every point until the day came when communism began to collapse beneath the combined weight of these pressures and its own failures. And when a man of goodwill did emerge from the ruins, President Reagan stepped forward to shake his hand and to offer sincere cooperation. Nothing was more typical of Ronald Reagan than that large-hearted magnanimity - and nothing was more American. Therein lies perhaps the final explanation of his achievements. Ronald Reagan carried the American people with him in his great endeavours because there was perfect sympathy between them. He and they loved America and what it stands for - freedom and opportunity for ordinary people. As an actor in Hollywood's golden age, he helped to make the American dream live for millions all over the globe. His own life was a fulfilment of that dream. He never succumbed to the embarrassment some people feel about an honest expression of love of country. He was able to say `God Bless America' with equal fervour in public and in private. And so he was able to call confidently upon his fellow-countrymen to make sacrifices for America - and to make sacrifices for those who looked to America for hope and rescue. With the lever of American patriotism, he lifted up the world. And so today the world - in Prague, in Budapest, in Warsaw, in Sofia, in Bucharest, in Kiev and in Moscow itself - the world mourns the passing of the Great Liberator and echoes his prayer "God Bless America". Ronald Reagan's life was rich not only in public achievement, but also in private happiness. Indeed, his public achievements were rooted in his private happiness. The great turning point of his life was his meeting and marriage with Nancy. On that we have the plain testimony of a loving and grateful husband: `Nancy came along and saved my soul'. We share her grief today. But we also share her pride - and the grief and pride of Ronnie's children. For the final years of his life, Ronnie's mind was clouded by illness. That cloud has now lifted. He is himself again - more himself than at any time on this earth. For we may be sure that the Big Fella Upstairs never forgets those who remember Him. And as the last journey of this faithful pilgrim took him beyond the sunset, and as heaven's morning broke, I like to think - in the words of Bunyan - that `all the trumpets sounded on the other side'. We here still move in twilight. But we have one beacon to guide us that Ronald Reagan never had. We have his example. Let us give thanks today for a life that achieved so much for all of God's children."

Friday, January 15, 2010

"Post and (my) Response"



I am a fair skinned female person of German, French, Scotch, Irish and English ancestry. I was very disturbed this morning when I heard BHO saying we are "investing" in Haiti. With an investment you expect a return. There will be no return on this expenditure of borrowed money. Very shortly I expect to see droves of refugees that will be placed on Medicaid, Social Security and any other hand out available, all at the expense of the American taxpayer. As an "individual" I support donating to the Red Cross, Salvation Army and other other charitable missionary groups that will help the Haitian people, regardless of the color of their skin. If there was a natural disaster in Germany, France, Scotland, Ireland or England, I would expect to help in the same way. We can not "invest" in all the natural disasters, but we can send short term aid.
Signed:
Bonnie Parmenter

Madam. You realize, of course, that you've opened up yourself to (false) charges of "Racism" and "Bigotry", as you dared point out a politically incorrect truth. Of course all the hue and cry will be to both shut you up, and distract everyone from seeing the elephant in the room. To wit: The political advantage being taken of this crises "Never let a crises go to waste" - hmm. I totally agree with you regarding the benefits of private charity vs. government "largess". While either way, we, you and I get to pay, at least we still have the right to chose how and where our charitable dollars are spent. (And spent, I might add, much more wisely and frugally that the government's "Just throw money at it" approach.) I'm also pleased that you didn't identify yourself as, say, a "German-American", or whatever. Please let me relate a little story, with one minor quibble. Quibble first: " 'Scots' is what you are. 'Scotch' is what you drink", is what I was taught a very long time ago. Second: I was asked by a fellow (female) community action group member, "What" I was. When I responded "American", she went into apoplexy, admonishing me sternly that I couldn't make that claim, as that wasn't a "recognized" category or group. I responded that when I was stationed near Munich, West Germany, I was asked, in German, the same question. I then told her I responded thus: "Armenisher, Englander, Franklander, Hollander und Scotlander", to which my German questioner, bursting into a big smile said, "Ach! Amerikaner!".

"Fair and Balanced"



A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to eat her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. 

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. 

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.  A reporter has watched the whole event. 

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' 

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' 

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' 

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves. 

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: 

 
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH 

(Any Questions?) 

Monday, January 11, 2010

French Pigs

 I think it's about time the French redeem their tarnished reputation. For centuries now, they have taught swine to search out Truffles, a delicacy which grows underground. Now, if they would only teach them to sniff out other things, such as various and diverse chemicals used in concocting the explosives used in blowing up aircraft, they could make a fortune renting them out to the TSA, for example. An added benefit, of course, would be the separation of the "Porcine Intolerant" from the non-Porcine Intolerant. That would make the intolerant automatically eligible for a mandatory full cavity search - or an escorted removal away from the airport - far, far away.