By John Besharian
A collection of “Bits and Pieces” of my, and others, random reflections on life’s foibles
1. While this impending change in your life, may be a moving experience, the experience of moving can be frustrating, to say the least.
2. Its funny, in a sad sort ’o way, just how alone you can feel when you’ve stopped giving to others, and they notice.
3. “We’ve become ‘A Nation of Rubrics Cubed’ ”. (Coined by me in the early ’80’s.)
4. If Mark Twain (or Will Rogers) didn’t say this, he (or they) should have - “If common sense were, there’d be more of it!” (Coined by me in the mid-eighties.)
5. Question for Civil Rights Activists: regarding the ratio of one group or another’s incarceration for crime. “Do you think you’ll be any less dead if the person who killed you is of your own race or ethnicity?
6. ... as they “Rear their Ugly Rears!”
7. I haven’t managed to “Align My Waterfowl” yet. (“Get my ducks in a row”, so to speak.)
8. “Another day, another way”.
9. Future: A perception of realities as yet unlived. (A concept whose time is coming)
10. Self pity cannot replace self respect.
11. “Cluster Fuck”. (My name for Cluster House, the residence home Mairi lived in.) Motto: “Give Us Your tired, Your Poor, Your Huddled Misses, Learning To Eat Brie”.
12. Ah yes, the duality (dualities?) of Gemini's.
13. They say that “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”. I guess that means that insincere flattery is called plagiarism, while sincere flattery (imitation) is called a “Tribute”. (Go to Vegas, or Reno, for examples. “Thank you very much.”)
14. “The Clutter of Your Mind” (sung to the melody of “The Sunshine of Your Smile”).
15. Spider to “Little Miss Muffet”. “How do I love Thee?” Let me count the whey’s.”
16. “Life’s a Jumble”
17. “The Last Rites of Spring.”, followed by, “The First Rites of Summer”.
18. The heart rarely does what the head deems prudent.
19. “So-Cal” A phrase I’ve been using for at least the past thirty five years, regarding Southern California. (Yes, yes, a play on :Low-cal” used for nutritionally “correct”, but, culinarily bland food. As in, “All style, and no substance.”, better yet, “All Taste and no flavor”, or, L.A.’s “All flavor and No Taste.”.
20. I want to rearrange “Bring Me A Dream”, from the movie “Death Warrant” staring Charles Van Damme, and then see if Mairi could understand me. Somehow, I doubt it. (Then again, there’s a ton of things (not just music) that I think I could do better. Ah yes! The arrogance of the typical Gemini.)
21. “Now is the time for all good men to come... “, she said languidly.
22. “The trouble with people is, we’re everywhere.” (My takeoff on something or another.)
23. “Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the ’possum it could be done!” (Mine.)
24. “If you think its hot here, wait ’til you get where we’re going.” (“The “Hell you say!”)
25. “Twelve, going on sixty Five.” (Meaning young at heart, but, old (wise) beyond their years.) Coined (by me) back in Nineteen Hundred and Sixty Three, Anno Domini.
26. With some people, it seems to be a wiring problem, ie; “ The electricity never gets to the bulb!”, so to speak.
27. The devil is not only in the details, he’s also in the Oval Office. (Re: Bill Clinton)
28. The institutions of our country are stronger than Clinton’s ego. They’re also infinitely more important. Truly great presidents are remembered for their passion and commitment to ideals and institutions greater than themselves, not for lying about their inability to contain their baser instincts. Great leaders, lead. They do not hand down “Edicts from on high”, they build consensus. Clinton seemingly rules by decree, daring Congress to veto his endless executive orders. (From a “Letter to the Editor”, published 09/30/98.)
29. Clinton’s “Chinese Curse” is that he is the cause of his “Interesting Times”.
30. “Prejudice”, implies bigotry and closed mindedness. “Discriminating” does not.
31. “...and yet, there are times, when our conversations take on a certain “mono-loguistic” (monologueous?) overtone. (“I must be a good listener.”, ie: You talk, I listen.)
32. At least an ostrich has enough sense to stick it’s head in the sand, and not some other dark, smelly place. (My coinage as well.)
33. On a less serious note: In light of the unfolding drama in the White House, perhaps Bill Clinton should consider moving to San Francisco, instead of Los Angles when he leaves office. Just imagine he and the flamboyant mayor, Willie Brown, giving a whole new meaning to the term “The Willies”. (Please forgive the bad pun, but, I believe Clinton deserves “The lowest form of humor” for dragging the Presidency to depths lower than ever before imagined.) “Throw the bum out!”, as they say. “What a country!” (What a joke!”)
34. “The Left (I am the Back) Hand of God.” Prospective name of some yet to be defined group, or organization. ( A nineties version of “The God Squad”? Ask Lisa Kindred.)
35. “Soyvey”: A new product for Sino-kosher vegans (& vegetarians). Slogans: “Guaranteed Pork Free!”, or, “Now, for Meatless Fridays”. (Oops! How catholic of me.)
36. One of the projects Steven Spielberg may have in mind for Bill Clinton, after he leaves office, is a remake of the film classic “Elmer Gantry”. As far as I can tell, it would be perfect type casting. (Method Acting?)
37. “MacroSquish” - competitive Modus Operandi for Microsoft.
38. My words, like my life, are “Works in Progress”.
39. I’m almost certain that P.M.S. stands for Peanut brittle, Marzipan, and Saltwater Taffy.
40. Q: “Do you have your own web site? A: “Only for flies and gnats (like you)”.
41. “Lets Concept!” (. )”What a Concept!”( .)Ok, ok! I can’t resist!
42. “It’s (They're) so Jersey.”
43. It’s always better to be “Independently Wealthy”, than “Dependently Poor”.
44. If not yes, then no. If not where, then why? If not how, then when? Said who!
45. Remember: All money belongs to the people that earn it, not the government.
46. No one, especially a concerned parent, appreciates being treated with what appears to be amused indulgence, grudging tolerance, or benign indifference, by even one of the staff or management responsible for their child’s education.
47. “Once upon a time, there was a story that began ... .” (A short-story written to be the shortest short-story in the English language, and intended to be put on a Mobius Strip.)
48. The “Three Stooges”, or “Why can stupid be funny? Often confused with “Why can funny be stupid? Or, ... ?
49. Our educational system today is geared to “Public Education”, not educating the public.
50. “Dragon Drops” A name for “Eye candy” (small graphics enhancement, or pictures) for various desktop publishing, web,and/or graphics programs. (Drag ’n Drops?).
51. If you trust any government to be benevolent with your information, to put it kindly, you may be mistaken.
52. Hey! Life’s a negotiation, so lets make a deal!
53. You can take the alcohol out of the bottle, but you can’t take the bottle away from the asshole. (Re: Mairi’s brother’s attitude towards her.)
54. I have this image of our fearless leader (Bill Clinton), his left hand on the bible, with his right hand raised, middle finger extended, asking, nay demanding, “Oath? Define Oath!”. Mores the pity.
55. Who controls the news? Why those supercilious, scintillating, self-satisfied (and smug), poltroons of journalistic integrity, of course. Who else?
56. Feeling as rich as an “Under financed African-American”?
57. “The Erectillian”, or, “What’s Up?” magazine.
58. “From there to here, can I get you not.”
59. Question: “Is it appropriate to impeach, try, and remove from office, the President of the United States of America for lying, perjury, and obstruction of justice?” Answer: ”Hell Yes!”
60. Regarding: “Litigation as Public Policy”, I have the following suggestions ... .
61. For Tobacco Taxes, how about: “A carton A Week Is All We Ask.”
62. For the “Firearms Lawsuits resulting in added taxes”: A Gun A Month, Is All We Ask.”, and/or, “A Box (carton) A Week Is All We Ask.”, for ammunition.
63. Regarding the “Gore Petrochemical Pollution Tax”: “A Tankful A Week Is All We Ask.”
64. Regarding any Sin Tax: "A Sin (or two) A Week Is All We Ask.”
65. My life is undone, and I don’t know if I can do it up again. (Somehow, I must.)
66. Before” “My country! Right or wrong, my country!” Now: “My Party! right or wrong, my Party!” Re Democrat’s participation in impeachment.
67. It doesn’t matter where you meet the people at, it’s where the people you meet are at that matters.
68. Regarding the current media atmosphere on coverage of “Newsworthy Events”: The pontificating prattle of pompous puerile pundits, prognosticating as prophetizing peers of great repute, decrying the nature of the stories dredged up, while still using the prurient and salacious material as fodder for furtherance of their own careers. It seems to be the result of a twisted logic handed down through the ages. From “Bread and Circuses”, to “Let them eat cake”, it is not “The opiate of the masses” that’s at fault. Television, Radio and the Internet simply provide a rapid means of dissemination of so-called information. It’s the masses’ lack of intellectual independence, brought on by a concerted, relentless effort to liberalize, and lower academic standards, yet raise tolerance for so-called “Alternative Lifestyles” in the young and impressionable, that provides room for the fetid fertile forage that fills the trough of public consumption, or distraction. (And they vote?)
69. Battle cry of the cannibal lesbians: “Eat the Women!” (You are who you eat?)
70. To paraphrase Twain, “If human nature wasn’t so despicable, it wouldn’t be so human.”.
71. “We have become ‘The Herd’ led ’round the world”, so to speak.
72. The three most important “E” words (in the English language) are “Exact”, “Existential”, and, now, “e-mail”.
73. For a retrospective, or tribute, of Phil Specter’s “Wall of Sound”, how about “Retro-Spec”?
74. Ah, yes! Give me a buxom young woman whose “Cups runneth Over” every time.
75. Hyphenated-Americans are of the “ ... divided you fall” variety.
76. Get crime out of the hands of criminals, and put it where it belongs, with the politicians!
77. “All it takes to disarm the general population, is for the well intentioned to do the work of the ill intended.” Then “It can’t happen here” can.
78. As far as “Beanie Baby Mania” is concerned: Darwin was right.
79. Look, we can dance around this all life long and never, ever, really say what we mean. Or, we can just blurt it out and never, ever, have to worry about it again. (“one way, or another ... .”)
80. “From Sonorous Heights, to Stygian depths.” (My breadth of crap is amazing!)
81. “Didja Blues? (all over Again)” (Idea for either an album, a song title, or both.)
82. I’m in a hole of my own digging. (regarding my current finances - 7/99)
83. “Pussy!” (My favorite subject. I wonder what i was going to say when I stopped in mid sentence?)
84. “It’s fallen, and I can’t get it up!” (The only real reason for Viagra™.)
85. re: “A search for your truth.” (“Under every rock is a potential birthplace.”)
86. “Upwardly Nubile!” My euphemism for a woman sleeping her way to the top.
87. “i Think, ergo i Different!”©(#’s 87 & 88 based on Apple’s “Think different” ads touting the new iMac, as well as the new G-3 and G-4 Macintosh computers.)
88. i Think different”©
89. I believe “Big brother” has a not so insignificant other, and her name is “Big Nanny”.
90. Tell me, is it true that ambulances always travel so fast for fear of being run over by lawyers?
91. Those pedagogic piffle'rs of puerile proportions, who’ve been in charge of our children’s education far too long, will fight any change (of educational control) union tooth and nail.
92. I wonder what would happen, in that bastion of politically correct tolerance, if I opened a Pasta/Noodle Restaurant in the Castro district of San Francisco and called it “The Wet Noodle”, or “The Limp Lasagna”? Of course, The Rigid Rigatoni” would be wildly popular.
93. “AN IMMODEST (Business) PROPOSAL”©: Our country used to believe (and rightly so back in the dim, distant past of the 1930’s, 40’s, and 50’s) that it was awful, unjust, and immoral, that Socialist Communism (as practiced in the Soviet Union, and then China, and elsewhere) encouraged neighbors to spy upon one other, and children to spy on their parents for antigovernment thought crimes. However, these days we seem to have no qualms about turning in almost anyone: not only rightfully for breaking the law in major ways, (ie: plotting to violently overthrow the government) but, also, for the most picayune of infractions (ie: Barking dogs, too many cats, etc... ). We seem to also have a noisome minority of “Moderne Puritans” rabidly searching for perceived infractions of political correctness, in speech, action or thought as well. (Which, when think about it, is simply the same Socialist mindset revised and updated for Americans.)
Therefore, I propose to bring back a term that was, for many years, held in low esteem and change it’s usage to one of high repute and utility by making it as easy as possible for people to exercise their newfound propensity for tattling on one another. This would fulfill a great number of needs on many levels. Not only for “The Masses” (a Stalinist term for the euphemism “Useful Idiots”) but, and from a business prospective more importantly, as a conduit for gathering a great amount of information on an almost limitless number of topics related to human behavior and propensities, as well as perceived information on suspected criminal behavior, with nearly unlimited sales potential to Universities, Corporations, Security Agencies, Law Enforcement, Government Social Bureaus and so forth, with enough wealth of information to keep even the most demanding bureaucrat, and/or Social Statistician happy - yet wanting ever more.
The name of this service reflects not only my sense of irony (and disappointment at what we’ve become) but also seems to have a retro, yet cutting edge, cachet that would catch on in many different strata and spectrum of society as either a fun (or in) sort of thing, or as a topic of derision and scorn. This will work to the company’s advantage either way - as a massive free press and radio talk show controversy, and/or in terms of word of mouth advertising.
The name I consider essential for the success of this which I envision is “Stoolie”, as in “Stool Pigeon”, or one who tells on another. I propose setting up a nation (free world?) wide service network, of both telephone service centers and internet access, where people can report whatever non emergency information they wish, such as highway hazards, leaking sewerage pipes, et cetera, to noisy neighbors, unsightly properties, suspected drug activity, child abuse, ad nauseam. Thereby freeing up vital 911 emergency networks by using either a voice mail menu via telephone, or a web page display of links (both in the form of informational gathering nexus’, and as conduits directly to the desired entities) accessed simply by dialing “1-800-Stoolie”, or, throughout the World Wide web at “www.stoolie.com”, without having to remember any other numbers or addresses, just as 911 is so universally used and remembered. (The appropriate technologies already exist; they just need to be coordinated.) This system would make it as simple possible for our concerned, caring citizens (information providers) to use, and, they can do it anonymously (except, of course, for the telephone number they’re calling from, or the internet address they use). Although I imagine that local, state, and federal law enforcement, plus prosecutorial and defense lawyers (as well as telephone companies), will demand full and free access, they may have it along with everyone else, for a price. In some cases, the price of exclusivity comes to mind. In others - lots o’ money.
If knowledge is power, and power equates with money, then this , I believe, is a way to acquire more than even Crœsus imagined. I can only hope that the data generated will be beneficial, as well as useful, to society.
94. “... Those fractious fops of facetious frivolity, who are fervently feeling their fractured fundaments ... .”
95. “Pixel Pete” (takeoff on “Pistol Pete”). Name for an NRA dot.com for (fill in the blank).
96. “heART (he-ART?)” A male oriented art form/forum/outlet?
97. “sheART (she-ART?)” a female oriented art form/forum/outlet?
98. How about a restaurant called “Chez Á Trois”, or, Á Trois’ “? (Based upon the french term “Menage A Trois” meaning a threesome. All of these specialties would be for three ... with three sided tables, plates, glasses, et cetera ... .)
99. Ok. How about a club called “The House of Two Gemini’s”? (The symbol” ∏ + ∏ = ∞)
100. “The Double-Entendre”, or, “Dualities”? Symbol - same as above. “Twins?”
101. Just how far would one be tempted to go, in order to achieve one’s goals, lofty or otherwise? This is the dilemma faced by idealist’s confronted with the real world. (Note: The, “The ends justify the means!” crowd is always going to be at a tactical advantage, no matter what, so they’re just an added incentive to redouble one’s efforts to be victorious, yet ethically pure at the same time.
102. (More to be transcribed from my old, dying PowerMac 4400/200)
127. For Mairi:
“A stitch in time (they say) saves nine.”
So, say they, will a card sent on time.
Why, you ask? What’s the occasion?
Pal o’ Mine?
Stitch in time?
With lust (I must)
Admit it! The fire?
Ya done gone and lit it.
128. (Yet even more transcribing of much "under-the-bridge-water" remains to be done.)
262. I’m going to have to write a modern version of “The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf”. I’ll have to entitle it: “The Little Queen That Cried ‘Drama!’ ”. (Dedicated to Mairi, of course.)
263. The following was submitted to the Washington Times on April 09, 2009, as a comment on their commentary about four killed by a gunman in a Korean Religious Center, in Temecula, Ca.: Many commentators have noted the language barrier as one of the primary causes of the unintelligible mess the police faced when they arrived. Pro and Con alike may be surprised at California's Constitutional requirement that English be the Official State Language. Try enforcing that one on your own. Try using that as a defense in court for trying. Try getting it in front of the State Supreme Court to overturn your conviction - “You racist pig!”.
264. The original Tea Party was staged by the sons of Freedom against “Taxation without representation”. The critics of the Tea Party in 2009 claim that we protested against “Taxation with representation”. Nice try. We are protesting against “Taxation with misrepresentation”.
265. In 1994, Newt Gingrich’s “Contract with America” was derisively refereed to by Democrats (and, of course, the media) as a “Contract on America”. Actually, I believe that the Constitution of the United States of America is "The Contract of America".
266. I sent the following to Obama, Boxer, Finestein and Thompson o 04/19/09
My Dear Professor Obama (and "His" Teaching Assistants),
You all may chafe at the bit, so to speak, at the constraints the "Contract Of America", a.k.a. The Constitution of the United States" places on you fondest wishes: Establishing a grand ksathra-pavan here, in place of a representative republic. By denying the very fact that our rights are given to us "by our Creator" and not subject to man denied wishes, edicts or special orders, you prove your intentions. It, our constitution, is by design, "Restrictive", and not "Proscriptive" for the very reason I'm addressing you now. It is not the fault of American gun owners that the failing oligarchs of Mexico can not control (in the sense of eliminate - not help them profit by) their increasingly violent drug lords. It is also not the fault of America's border patrol agents that their counterpart Mexican border agents are not doing the job they're supposed to be doing. Are they "on the take"? Most likely, in the land of mordida, far too many are. (That is not the type of cultural diversity we wish to "import" here, by the way.)
It bodes ill for the American people, if the definition of "Law Abiding" can be further restricted by the hand of anyone who does not trust the very people whose very unalienable rights are in their hands. That is not leadership by good example. rather it is the leadership of the tyrant; Whether or not by accident or design. That was something our founders (those dead Caucasian guys) were very aware of and addressed in great detail in their correspondences with one another. That, I believe, is what some, in power, are so very afraid of. a rebellion of "the great unwashed". A very dim possibility indeed, if one only follows the constitutional precepts as set down by our founders.
With All Due Respect,
Mr. John Besharian
Life Member of the NRA
267. So. In order to not negatively affect the “Pork” industry with politics, are we now referring to: “H1N1-Barrel Spending”?
268. “A picture is worth a thousadnd words”. (Only if you have no imagineation.)